So, I was looking on my daughters' facebook walls, reading all their millions of birthday greetings and I had a profound thought. I know, shocking, eh?! .... and it's really not that profound, it's just interesting to think about....but first I must ramble a bit...
So when people have babies they know everything about them all day, everyday, - from what they eat, to how often they poop - you name it, as a parent of a baby/pre-schooler, you know it! (even if you don't want to!) As your children get older they go off to school and begin to have a life quite separate from their parents (which, in my opinion, is a very healthy part of development). They do things throughout the day that we as parents will never know about. Sure, we ask our kids what they did at school and we may get a few stories or the occasional detail, but we never really know everything that's gone on - for the good and bad - which is another blog in itself, but for now.....
And so it goes, on through their lives as they grow and become more and more independent. It's all good, healthy, natural, normal.
When our children are young we pretty much choose their friends. We usually find a mom that we get along with and we get together to visit and then our kids play. It's a win-win...the kids get friends, the moms get friends.... everyone's happy! We know who our kids' friends are, we know who their parents are, we know the families. It's all good.
As time passes this changes, and in our case, moving to a different country really emphasized this for me. When we moved here our kids were older, more independent. The first time I fully realized how beneficial it was that we actually did know alot about our kids' friends back in Canada, was when Paige wanted to attend the school afterball party here that was being planned by a few of the students and their parents. Now, if we'd been in Canada, more than likely I would have known who those students were, who their parents were, and thereby had a good idea what the party situation was going to be like. Coming here, you're going in blind....you have no idea who these people are! You have to learn new ways to figure that out!
Another side of older kids and their friends is that you don't realize, as a mom how much making new friendships has been connected to your children. As a parent of young children you visit with the other moms while the kids play. Or you get to know other parents when you go along as a parent helper for a school field trip. With older children, you don't exactly go visit the parents when your kids go over to hang out with a new high school friend. So it has made it much harder for me to create and build new friendships with my children's friends' families.
But back to my big, profound thought that came to me when perusing my daughters' facebook birthday greeting saturated walls..... I have realized that over time...20 years for Paige & Danae, and 18 years for MacKenzie, their lives have intersected with so many people from all over the world and many of them I don't know, and probably never will know. As much as you can tell from a facebook comment, their friends seem nice, they seem caring, and they seem interested in my daughters' lives. Of the friends that I do personally know, I know that my girls have chosen and made good friends. They have developed healthy relationships. They have made many friends. They have influence in many lives and those lives have influence in theirs. All the prayers, energy and effort we've put into our children during their developing years is paying off - teaching them how to be friendly, caring, interested in others - how to be a good friend.
I see the names and faces pop up on their facebook walls wishing them a happy birthday, and it reaffirms that my children have competely separate lives from me. It has happened. It is very real. It is very good. It is very natural. It is very healthy. I am happy for them. I continue to pray that wherever they choose to go, whatever they choose to do, they will always choose good people to influence and to be influenced by, people that will be good friends.
And as the years pass and I see the birthday greetings on their walls come from more and more names of people that I don't know, I will be content knowing that together, Kevin and I have raised girls who love people and know how to make friends!
So when people have babies they know everything about them all day, everyday, - from what they eat, to how often they poop - you name it, as a parent of a baby/pre-schooler, you know it! (even if you don't want to!) As your children get older they go off to school and begin to have a life quite separate from their parents (which, in my opinion, is a very healthy part of development). They do things throughout the day that we as parents will never know about. Sure, we ask our kids what they did at school and we may get a few stories or the occasional detail, but we never really know everything that's gone on - for the good and bad - which is another blog in itself, but for now.....
And so it goes, on through their lives as they grow and become more and more independent. It's all good, healthy, natural, normal.
When our children are young we pretty much choose their friends. We usually find a mom that we get along with and we get together to visit and then our kids play. It's a win-win...the kids get friends, the moms get friends.... everyone's happy! We know who our kids' friends are, we know who their parents are, we know the families. It's all good.
As time passes this changes, and in our case, moving to a different country really emphasized this for me. When we moved here our kids were older, more independent. The first time I fully realized how beneficial it was that we actually did know alot about our kids' friends back in Canada, was when Paige wanted to attend the school afterball party here that was being planned by a few of the students and their parents. Now, if we'd been in Canada, more than likely I would have known who those students were, who their parents were, and thereby had a good idea what the party situation was going to be like. Coming here, you're going in blind....you have no idea who these people are! You have to learn new ways to figure that out!
Another side of older kids and their friends is that you don't realize, as a mom how much making new friendships has been connected to your children. As a parent of young children you visit with the other moms while the kids play. Or you get to know other parents when you go along as a parent helper for a school field trip. With older children, you don't exactly go visit the parents when your kids go over to hang out with a new high school friend. So it has made it much harder for me to create and build new friendships with my children's friends' families.
But back to my big, profound thought that came to me when perusing my daughters' facebook birthday greeting saturated walls..... I have realized that over time...20 years for Paige & Danae, and 18 years for MacKenzie, their lives have intersected with so many people from all over the world and many of them I don't know, and probably never will know. As much as you can tell from a facebook comment, their friends seem nice, they seem caring, and they seem interested in my daughters' lives. Of the friends that I do personally know, I know that my girls have chosen and made good friends. They have developed healthy relationships. They have made many friends. They have influence in many lives and those lives have influence in theirs. All the prayers, energy and effort we've put into our children during their developing years is paying off - teaching them how to be friendly, caring, interested in others - how to be a good friend.
I see the names and faces pop up on their facebook walls wishing them a happy birthday, and it reaffirms that my children have competely separate lives from me. It has happened. It is very real. It is very good. It is very natural. It is very healthy. I am happy for them. I continue to pray that wherever they choose to go, whatever they choose to do, they will always choose good people to influence and to be influenced by, people that will be good friends.
And as the years pass and I see the birthday greetings on their walls come from more and more names of people that I don't know, I will be content knowing that together, Kevin and I have raised girls who love people and know how to make friends!
Comments
You have great girls and I'm glad that across the seas we've reconnected with the Nichol clan. I know we're not as close as we thought we might be...but thanks for being there and being someone who does know how to make the friendly gestures...you taught your girls well.